Forgot my Username

Ha I'm so dumb sometimes.

I've been trying to get on her for the last few days.

I can't sleep. My neighbors car alarm has been on non-stop for 2 days. D:

So It's 7am and i'm just laying in bed doing my best not to walk to the kitchen.

Mirror

So I did something I haven't really done in months... Body check in front of the mirror.

I LOOK DISGUSTING.

I can't even get myself to put a picture here to show you.

How did I let myself get here? :(

There are rolls of fat everywhere.

I feel like i'm being suffocated with all this extra weight.

And whats worst? From Thursday evening till Monday night i'm stuck with Jamie and his family at his cottage.

I can't restrict there. >-<

I guess i'll have to find a way to purge without them noticing.

(They know about my ED. Jamie told them. -_-)

Break Up?

So Jamie told  me that he doesn't feel the same way about me like he did that, I'm not 'happy enough'.

That he still wants to be with me but we need to work on things.

More like i need to work on things. -_-

I don't think he gets that I stopped cutting for him. I went into treatment for depression for him.

I went into treatment for My ED for him.

I'm not going to be 100% happy now.

Treatment doesn't work like that.

I guess I seemed alot happier when I could rip a blade through my skin to numb out my feelings.

Hello little razor blade....

Welcome back to my fucked up life.

Dentist

Sorry for not posting lately.

I've been at my aunts for helping out.

She had surgery to get lumps of fat removed from her arms and has a bunch of stitches.

I'm basically alone all day.

Which is great. No one bothers me to eat and i get to exercise and clean all day.

I'm supposed to go back for another week.  Not sure if i will though. Its hard to be away from Jamie for so long.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow for a cleaning and to check up on all my cavities.

I'm a little confused about what my dentist and what purgers tell me.

My dentist tells me to brush after i purge to get rid of the stomach acid.

But other purgers tell me not to and to use mouth wash instead.

o.O

Who's right?

I Can Knit!

It took me an hour to learn but i did it. xD

I'm so glad i found a hobby to help keep my mind off things.

Anyways.

Fasting went okay. Lasted  2 1/2 days. :(

Was hoping to go on longer then that but my parents and Jamie are like the 'Food Police'.

I'm so tired of getting asked  if i had my breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. >:c

Leave me alone. Fuck.

Hooray?

So i've been out of treatment...

And i've been binging since Friday night.

I'm so disgusting.

Fasting tomorrow.

Wish me luck?